Issues!

Some guy with tattoos!
Hates Blacks, Muslims and Jews!
He's from a Redneck town!
He's a Political clown!

You know me, I don't hate!
I've just done things too late!
I have issues, for all to be seen!
Life is rotten, life is mean!

Watch more TV!
Back in 1993!
The band that shaped the nation!
Saved us from damnation!

Make poverty History!
Africa is Europe's tragedy!
Blair can't do it at home!
But the Pope's old critics are now in Rome!

Internet adverts!
Say Something! What?
I've nothing against Gay Marriage!
As long as both girls are hot!

Did you see the airplane?
Did you see the Blimp?
Well I serve nobody!
Neither Queen or Trained Chimp!

CO2 emissions!
From News Network Transmissions!
Oil in Iraq!
The main suppliers idolise Shaq!

These issues people have!
Aren't done by half!
Some don't wanna kill a calf!
Others feel offended by Shaft!

I've been robbed of a Father and Mother!
I have issues like no other!
Spent everything on my Brother!
Life is smothered!

Media

I've got a 27 Year itch!
Maybe I need the life Bitch!
All my ex-Classmates with kids and a wife!
I still have to sort out my life!

My Father's Death affected me!
It's on Wikipedia!
Murdered for playing Darts!
Brief mention by the media!

What's so wrong with me today!
I could've easily been Gay!
Watching CITV rather than play Football!
Went to Uni and answered the call!

I've gained so much weight!
My Granny asked, "What have they been feedin' ye!"
But I remember the McDonald's ads as a kid!
Promoted by the media!

TV isn't what it used to be!
Music now on Podcast feeds!
Subway says 'Eat Fresh' on the ads!
Guilty Pleasures is the latest fad!

My Heart, like the King's, is Wooden!
But it's still bleddin, ya!
I'm a product of this society!
A follower of the media!

The Fight

A Sunday Afternoon.
Couldn't come too soon.
To the local field.
And our fate could be sealed.

Some guy from Dromore.
Said, "Yer ma's a Whore!"
He won a soft free kick.
It went between the sticks.

Then some guy was pushed.
By the number 2.
Some old man in the stands shouted;
"Referee, ye fool!"

He should've gone to SpecSavers.
The Linesman must've had favours.
No need to sort it out later.
The Footballers are bayters.

Number 11 sent off.
Didn't know why.
He didn't do anything.
Must've been the wrong guy.

Referee said, "C'mere Boy!"
He showed the red.
Other guys were pushed.
Some fell like Lead.

Off went number 7.
He was a guy possessed.
Abusing the crowd.
So started off all the rest.

Match Abandoned.
Both teams did the huddle.
Referee was useless.
He was in a muddle.

So finished another brawl.
Another Tyrone Free for all.
Reported to the GAC.
On the news for all to see.

No Offence

You're a Townie.
I'm a Pure Culchie.
Your Parents listened to Punk.
My Parents listened to Country.

There's one thing that unites us.
The Belfast to Derry Bus.
I got off outside Castledawson.
No lift home, taxi forced in.

I'm an Irish Catholic.
I always bleed Green.
I'll never sing your Anthem.
No offence to your Queen.

I'm the world's worst Proof Reader.
Me and my Schoolmates liked Eddie Veeder.
Laughing about Politicians and sleaze.
Now Nelly Furtado sings hits in Portuguese.

Soaps are all they watch today.
No more Top of the Pops.
No more seeing the Number 1.
Alongside the Number 35 flop.

I'm from County Tyrone.
We're the best you've ever seen.
I wanna use the Euro.
No Offence to your Queen.

Women enjoy conflict.
Women love to see Men fight.
Some on the Left, some on the Right.
Listen to your Mother, you son of a Bitch.
You couldn't make a tackle even on a bone dry pitch.

I prefer U2 to Ocean Colour Scene.
I'm wearing my Tyrone shirt.
No offence to your Queen.

Trouble

You make fun of our dead.
You're not right in the head.
Your Politicians have you misled.
I'm not sure what your brain's been fed.

We've all suffered.
No one's so great.
Not every one's home by Half Eight.

Murder and Mayhem.
Ineffective Police.
Everyone has a loved one buried.
By a Vicar or Priest.

You act like a grand citizen.
With conflict you're smitten.
My Bro's had a Fatherless past.
Our Family's always come last.

My Granny doesn't like you.
Her bitterness is getting bigger.
I'm just a rhymer.
Once a KFC lovin' Wigger.

The Kids TV Stations.
No longer show classic animation.
They were accused of causing trouble.
They have shaped a nation.

Kids are causing trouble.
You've been living in a bubble.
I shaved off my stubble.
I've rebuilt from the rubble.

Life Today

I want what I can't have.
I don't wanna end up a Chav.
I'm taking enough showers.
Though my bro says my smell overpowers.

Everyone now has too much money.
I'm flat broke and it ain't funny.
I'm not the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny.
The youth of today are scummy.

They need to know right from wrong.
What I learnt in my old School songs.
I still pray along.
My faith is still strong.

You see kids aged fourteen.
In the Nightclub scene.
Drinking underage.
Trowing up on the stage.

Gandhi liked our Christ but not our Christians.
There's something missing.
12 Years on, still into Rave.
The Greenvale is still their fave.

Britain's got Talent.
People with different tales.
Ireland, England, Scotland, Wales.
But the ones that could never sing.
The most enjoyment they'll bring.

Different cultures, different traditions.
But the same common values.
The same positions.
From Paris to Berlin.
Different drinks.
The same sins.

Life today.
Not like the old.
Kids today.
Don't do what they're told.
When you get older.
Your minds a folder.
Of young hoodlums' actions.
Over different tribal factions.

All about me

Hello World, remember me.
I'm the fella who can't get anything for free.
The Irish conflict statistic.
The optimistic sadistic.

Pleasure out of pain.
Signed on too many Mondays.
Try to remember my name.
I'm following the Championship most Sundays.

My Granny's getting madder.
I was robbed of a Father.
My Mother's got Parkinson's Disease.
My Bro says I cut the cheese.

Over in Cookstown.
I'm not lookin down.
Cinema delights.
Most Sunday nights.

You know me.
I'm from Ardboe.
I say 'Holy Jesus!'
I say 'Ghosto!'
I've got a cousin in Kilrea.
She's the furthest away.

I went to a Derry School.
Considered a Tyrone Fool.
I avoided all the fights.
The happiest days of my life.

University in Coleraine.
Got a 2:2.
Met so many psychos.
Red, White and Blue.

Derry, Belfast, Dublin.
For Work I was always ready.
Tried an approach towards coupelin'.
But they were all going steady.

All my mates in Ballyronan.
Was first thought a slow man.
But they soon liked what I had to offer.
More than any other.

All about me.
Repeated like an ABC.
All about me.
For all the world to see.

Pain

Pain.
All the same.
Whether you're on a Bus or Train.
My life is like a Linebacker.
Accusing me of being a slacker.

When I was a kid.
I never thought I'd do what I did.
Never thought I've experience such grief.
To test all my beliefs.

1989.
It's up for grabs now time.
Politicians gansh about who they don't like.
My dad was shot in the night.

My bro was only 6 Moths old.
He could never hear dad say, "Do as you're told!"
Hearts have turned cold.
An archive of pain unfolds.

When I worked in the big Cities.
I thought life was pretty.
Then I got dismissed.
I thought, 'An opportunity missed'

Broadband didn't work at home.
12 Month Contract meant I had to roam.
Money down the drain.
That's more lifelong pain.

University top up fees.
Meant I only had half a degree.
The town I loved so well.
Gave every Job opportunity a bell.

But we eventually had to part.
Make a fresh new start.
Got another job nearby.
But 18 Weeks later, 'Bye Bye!'

And like all the rest.
Came the Driving Test.
Undue Hesitation.
Sums up the driving nation.

But I'll never give up the fight.
I'll struggle to be right.
I won't kill my self.
Even though others might.

Different

You fight on the Terraces.
We Fight on the Pitches.
We had comedians in the 70's.
They had you in stitches.

We're different.
Ireland, England Wales, Scotland.
One thing brings us together.
Travelling to a hot land.

Reports on the TV shown.
Foreign Governments overthrown.
Ever since the 1980's.
Things haven't changed much lately.

We're different.
I'm not like you.
I like Green White and Orange.
You like Red White and Blue.

Football, Darts, Snooker, Golf.
Animal Hospital and Rolf.
All on the BBC.
Tradition for all to see.

What did you think of the past?
Everything has gone too fast.
I have my own prayers to pray.
All about what's wrong today.

Black and White.
Straight and Gay.
The National Front V The IRA.
Surely there's another way?

We're different.
You score goals, we score points.
We smoke 20 Regal, you smoke Joints.

Myself

Myself in a state.

Left everything too late.

Hoping for success.

Hoping for luck.

But the hands of fate didn't give a f**k.

Couldn't be a Pop star.

Couldn't afford a Fancy Car.

Just occasionally propping up the Bar.

But the Window of opportunity's still ajar.

Online in the Library.

Couldn't eat drink or be merry.

Back from the Job Centre.

Sending a woman back what I sent her.

Living in the sticks.

Searching for an Internet fix.

My Granny just can't stop moanin.

I'm in need of serotonin.

Send in the Clowns.

Send in the Clowns.

From Belfast, Ballymena, Derry, Portadown.

Heading to Duiblin in the Train Station.

History has affected the Nation.

Little Girls and a Toy.

Used to be a Doll, now it's Playboy.

Obsessed with Pink and celeb magazines.

Europe's White Trash has entered the scene.

I wanna be a Winner.

Rhyme like Mike Skinner.

Can I impress them being like Eminem?

I've run out of power.

Have to take a shower.

Everyone; Black, Asian and White.

We all have the same war to fight.

I feel knackered.

Lack of sleep.

I've tried settling down.

I've tried counting Sheep.

You can take my Job, but you can't take my talent.

I won't be hammered down with a Mallet.

Where I Live

Where I live.
Not the Free State.
Your view of the Reformation seals your fate.
Police and Priests.
Govern the land.
Controlling the people.
With an Iron hand.

In Belfast City.
The estates are so s**tty.
Old Firm Apres Match Interface.
Riots posted in Bebo and MySpace.
Some say, "Sure, it's cause af the taigs! Their mas are slegs!"
Others say "It's Orange Supremacy! Their parades are menacing!"

Over on the Train to Ballymena, hey.
Where kids get killed over some s**t they say.
Doe a Rabbit, a Female Rabbit.
A kid had the wrong Football Shirt, the gang will stab it.

Conflict transmitted all over the World.
All over a flag and a few little girls.
New York, Glasgow, Liverpool.
The Poor are misled unemployed fools.

Omagh, says Geldof, is like 9/11.
The bombers unrepentant in their personal Heaven.
30 Years ago, the UVF crossed the Border.
Bringing bombs and Government disorder.

People talk about War Heroes.
Over and over again.
But few of them know about conflict.
Few experienced the Pain.

Now they're agreeing.
And acting all grand.
But the cynic in me says it's all built from Sand.

Punk is Dead

Punk is dead.
Put this issue to bed.
Three cords, politics and teenage dreams.
Now Maccy Ds and Avri Lavigne.

So you can't blame the Velvet Underground.
For Tony Hawks Pro-Skater and Good Charlotte's sound.
Nor can you blame Blues Musicians.
About WWE Issues.

Anarchy in the UK.
Now about Football Violence and married Gays.
No longer about Joy Division.
But about Boyband schisms.

Complaining about Parents again.
Everyone sounds the same.
No longer about pain.
Everything is just too sane.

Guitarists were influential.
Three cords and layers.
Now it's about Fox TV.
And Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

And what makes of Punk nowadays.
Succumbed to commercial ways.
Saying I look good on the Dance floor.
I for one don't want more.