Have you ever?

Have you ever wondered?

If  your Soul has been plundered?

Like lightning and Thunder.

Like Frankie Howard, "Oh, what a blunder!"

Your family are divided.

You don't have the urge to fight it.

No longer have a Role Model.

Your emotions all bottled.

Help me!

I want to be Free!

I don't deserve this life!

All my Classmates now have a Wife!

I seek a Primal Scream!

"Get your Rocks out, Honey!" is the Scream!

Be part of the Team.

That can live up to your dreams.

Freedom is what we all crave.

Money is what has to be saved.

The Credit Crunch Bunch.

It seals your financial fate.

Life without a Mother.

Has had a profound effect like no other.

All left is your Gran and Brother.

Your hope starts to wither.

My Tribute to Tyrone (De La Soul style)

Three is the magic number!
Yes it is, that's the magic number!
Somewhere in this quest for Sam Maguire!
You have three All-Irelands for Tyrone!
That's the Magic number!

Everyone said we're a County of Caravans!
And couldn't do jack without Peter Canavan!
Then he got crooked in 2003!
In a Semi-Final against Kerry!

We hung on for a Final against Armagh!
Who won the previous Year, for a laugh!
The jokes at our expense by wans from Derry!
They won an All-Ireland before the return of mighty Kerry!

Everybody wants to play in Croke Park!
Everybody wants to win a winners Medal!
Tyrone won by 3 points at that Year!
The Orchard men always back peddled!

No more, no less! You don't have to guess!
Tyrone won by three, that's the magic number!

Then, once again, in 2005!
Armagh became the bane of our lives!
A Semi-Final which could've gone either way!
Could we have scored a difficult free, "No Way!"

But come the hour come Canavan!
Proved, once again, the Man!
Winning by a single point that day!
Kerry, once again, standing in our way!

Canavan's last Hurrah!
Was to score a screamer!
Tyrone won by three in 2005!
That's the magic number!

Then later we had to do without!
The creative force McGuigan, known in Ardboe as 'Snout'!
Losing to Laois, Meath and Derry!
Paving the way for dominance by Kerry!

But then O'Neill retired after an argument!
Survival in the National league was Paramount!
Winning ugly proved to be the day's order!
Wins in our side of the dreaded border!

Then McMenamin, McMahon and Gourley!
Said they wouldn't shave until they won number three!
Struggling at first against Mayo!
But against Dublin and Wexford we stole the show!

Then Kerry again!
Story was the same!
Tyrone got number three, that's the magic number!

R Plates

When you're from Mid Ulster!
Your Neighbours all like Country!
That's just the way it is!
Like Harold and Kumar!
You always get the Munchies!
That's just the way it is!

R Plates gone!
A Year of being Forewarned!
Now doing 50!
No longer are journeys adjourned!

Thinking of the Past Year!
All that happened Near!
That's just the way it is!
No longer with a Mother!
Just your Grandmothers and Brother!
That's just the way it is!

R Plates removed!
Driving Skills improved!
In the Dual Carriageway!
Able to do 60, yay!

Internet in the Library!
Slow and tiring!
That's just the way it is!
One Week of Weightwatchers!
Lost 4lbs through Trying!
That's just the way it is!

R Plates eradicated!
Timing of Last Year's Pass, pure fate!
Taking my Bro to his Lessons!
Mo more Taxi Sessions!

The Chippy

There's a Guy in the Village!
In the Local Chip Shop!
With Rugby Track Bottoms!
And a Tyrone Track Top!

He wouldn't like Soccer!
He considers it Foreign!
He sees the Players!
Named Andy, Dave and Warren!

He's wearing a Hood!
But I do as well!
Not a Trouble Maker!
Didn't shout or yell!

Ordered from the phone!
When my Bro was at home!
Opens at 5 on the dot!
Your order won't be forgot!

You then go the the Shop!
To buy a Lotto Ticket!
A series of unfortunate events happened!
Like Lemony Snicket!

You were in Marks and Spencer!
Lots of fancy nosh!
But you need the money for them!
It's food for the posh!

Your Great Aunt was buried at Half 12!
You Cousin is a star singer!
She has the success!
The chief money bringer!

This Sunday's almost over!
You're almost 29!
In a couple of days time!
You're feeling close to fine!
Listening to Kelly Osbourne online!
Lucky like a four-leaved clover!

Help is at hand

You Tears cure Cancer!
Too bad you never cried!
That suddenly changes when you're Parents died!

You're a Jack of All Trades!
But a master of none!
You feel there's no hope left!
When you could've had some fun!

This isn't from the Streets!
This is from the Country Lane!
You experienced Pain!
Over and Over again!

Money is your downfall!
It goes into free fall!
You can't get what you want!
You feel Progress has stalled!

America has everything cheep there!
They can afford all the latest Hardware!
Right in the Middle of the credit crunch!
You've been hit a massive sucker punch!

All you have to do is Pray, like Gary Barlow!
Have the same condition as Leonardo!
The one with the famous Code!
You come back to your old abode!

Everybody says someone else is racist!
Flicking through some Magazine's Pages!
Peter Andre went Insania!
He's more Bats than Transylvania!

So here's to those whose life is screwed!
Whether You're Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or Jew!
You have to cope with more spending!
Just hope and pray for a happy ending!

Amongst Women

Blessed art thou amongst Women!
You don't understand what is in 'em!
You have spent life under the thumb!
You feel content at first, but then end up numb!

Your Mum's not here!
She's gone from this existence!
Your Gran can't take it anymore!
Taking the path of least resistance!

Monday Morning Blues!
Just before the BBC News!
She passed away 5 in the Morning!
4 Weeks on, there is still mourning!

What has happened here!
There is too much to do!
You can't wish for too much!
Nothing but the Blues!

You try to contact someone!
Who can understand you!
Someone who won't Judge!
Someone who won't brand you!

Time is no longer on my side!
This hurt I have I can no longer hide!
You've had to swallow loads of pride!
You can not get a Bride!

Time is short!
When you suffer!
Your hope melts!
Just like Butter!